Dear Diary
by Serious Pumpkin
Summary: After the war Annie has decided to keep a diary to help deal with everything that has happened. SPOILERS FOR MOCKINGJAY
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own The Hunger Games.**

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**Entry One**

My husband decided it was best if I kept a diary to explain what happened in my games. He said it would help me keep more stable. I didn't want to so I didn't. He wasn't my husband back then. Now that he's gone it's gotten worse. I can't imagine that this could happen to us. We were so happy at the wedding. Everyone was. And now he's gone. One of the things I might live to regret most is how I never got to tell him the good news. I am to have a son.

**Entry Two**

I found that my earlier entry was very vague. I didn't write much in it at all. Looking at it now I am not sure if I even want to write more than that. If I write it all down it's only confirming the truth to all of it. Do I really want to face that? But Finnick had told me that it would make me feel better. I think it is taking too long though. We had a funeral for Finnick. My old clothes are beginning to get too tight so I had to wear another person's dress to the occasion. I will have to go shopping. Katniss apologized several more times at the funeral, not that she hadn't done that many times already. She feels as if she was responsible for his death, as if she could've stopped it. I have to keep telling her none of what happened was her fault. I doubt she believes me. Her and Peeta look close though. I hope they experience the same happiness Finnick and I did and that they can grow old together. It is strange, how free it is without the districts. A lot of people have moved through the districts but I chose to stay in four. I don't like I'd like it anywhere else. It reminds me of Finnick. A man named Gale talked to me during Finnick's funeral. He also had lost someone he cared about because of President Snow but he never got to tell her how he felt. Talking to him made me better I think. Even if it wasn't as long as I would've liked, I still got to spend time with Finnick, knowing we both loved each other. I miss him more everyday. I wonder what would be happening now if he had lived. Would we be talking about our son? Would we be thinking about the war? Would we live normal lives? I feel empty without him.

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**_This is hopefully an original idea that I wanted to do. Just one thing, during Entry Two, yes I ship Gale and Madge. And if you don't know who Madge is then leave. Just leave. Because she's one of my favourite characters and that would mean you haven't read the books so... spoilers! Yes. Poor fangirls. Finnick is dead. I hate Suzanne. She keeps killing my favourite characters._**


	2. Chapter 2

**Entry Three**

Katniss said I should talk to someone about what I'm feeling. Isn't the diary enough? Lately I haven't been coping as well. Memories keep springing up. And not all of them are good. I'm thankful I didn't see Finnick die. I would never recover. He was always so supportive, he looked after me when I was feeling down, he made me smile, laugh and enjoy life even in our situation. Why did he die? Why did he leave me? What am I supposed to do now that he isn't here for me? Someone outside was walking around with a spear, they must have gone fishing, but it reminded me of my games. Every time I think of watching my allies die it makes my situation worse...

Katniss and I keep in contact. After the war we came close, mostly because of-

... She suggested I could move to district twelve with her. I said I didn't want to get in the way of her and Peeta. She started acting strangely after that. I do hope her and Peeta are getting along. Maybe I should talk to him? I don't know him very well though. But maybe that would help. Some people have tried to talk to me, insisting it will help. Maybe meeting new people would get my mind off things. But now I want to stay here. I need something to hold on to. Something stable that I can keep. And district four is one of the few things I have left.

**Entry Four**

I can't believe I'm up to my fourth entry. I didn't know I'd make it this far. Maybe I'm stronger than I thought. The baby kicked this morning. I was eating breakfast when I felt it. I'm more nervous about this now. Having a child seems so scary. Can I look after it on my own? I hope so. One of my old friends came over today. We planted flowers in the front yard, talking about life. I feel better. Talking to people really helps. I'm going to find someone I can talk to. I still don't think I'm ready to take Katniss up on her offer though. District twelve is so far away from here. And I'm starting to get closer to people. But not too much people approach me. I know to make friends I would have to go to them first but the prospect sounds terrifying. I have to learn how to deal with... _things_...better before that.

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_**Thanks to** _swiftingfandoms _**for reviewing.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Entry Five**

From when I was young until my... reaping... I had made nets. It was relatively peaceful so now I've returned to doing it again. Whenever I get upset I will resort to that. It is a quick and fun hobby. The same person from yesterday came over while I was making nets and joined me. I enjoy her company but I hope she doesn't plan on coming daily. I'm not sure how long we were doing that but when we did stop it had started to get dark so it must of been a while. Tomorrow I want to give the nets we made to the fisherman. Some faithful net makers had either moved to different districts or is... unable to make nets anymore... so I'm sure they will appreciate it. Although, despite the fact we have lost net makers, people from district eight have come over and some have chosen to do that as well.

**Entry Six**

I think she does plan on coming daily. Again she came over and made nets while talking occasionally. It's not that I don't like her but if I saw her everyday I am sure I would soon get sick of her. I'm not sure if that's because of everything that has happened recently because I am sure I enjoyed her company before... what happened. After we finished the nets we went down to the beach. A group of men and women were joking around slightly when we arrived and thanked us for the nets. We were going to go straight home afterwards but I stayed for a while, staring out into the ocean. My friend got quite worried, seeing me just sitting and staring but I assured her I was fine. The ocean was a beautiful blue. Just like... his eyes. After thinking of that I had burst into tears and she had to take me home. A fisherman tried to help but she said she was fine to do it. When we got home she tucked me into bed like a child. I thought of the child in my stomach and cried quietly until she managed to to calm me down. Maybe I preferred her company, maybe not, but she was a good friend.

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_**My difficulty with this story is that I have never; a) suffered the effects of war; b) had someone close to me die; or c) been pregnant. The only people close to me who died did so when I was two and two year old's don't have deep thoughts about how that felt and then record it so I'm trying to assume how you'd feel in Annie's situation. On the good side; day six of the diary and she's getting better slowly but surely.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Entry Seven**

I've been caught. My friend saw me in my clothes today and shook her head disapprovingly, remarking how tight they were so she's taken me shopping. I caused a fuss, not wanting to go, wanting to stay here and make nets with or without her. Unfortunately she finally forced me to go and reminded me to keep calm or I might disrupt the baby. At first I tried to dodge everyone's gaze. Everyone knew... Finnick, had seen our wedding and knew of his... death. Everyone wanted to stare at me. My friend laughed at me as I scurried around her, trying to hide from their eyes, and told me I was just attracting more attention. I stopped quickly after that. Where we bought clothes was a small market with friendly - or sometimes not - people manning their stalls. Almost everywhere we stopped people paid their condolences towards him and I thanked them, quickly moving off the topic. One lady gave me a free scarf which I tried to decline but my friend took it and wrapped it around my shoulders, saying that I loved it. Soon I had new clothes that fit and we walked home, this time my face hid partially with a scarf. I told her that I refused to go shopping again and she just laughed. We did not make nets that day.

**Entry Eight**

I slept in today. Much past the time I usually woke and missed breakfast as a result. Although this wasn't much of a down side since I only eat small servings of food. I wonder what my friend would think of that based off her reaction to my old clothes, I should probably get rid of them now. By the time I woke up the sun was already high up in the sky and people were already walking around. How come they could be so normal? We were part of the same war, were we not? I had quickly made myself a bigger serving of an early lunch and began eating before I started to cry. Soon the afternoon came... and passed. My friend had not appeared on the doorstep today. I wasn't sure if I was thankful or not. Two days we hadn't made nets. I had stared at the materials for a long period of time before abandoning the thought and going to bed earlier than usual. I couldn't sleep for ages though. I just lied there, staring at the ceiling. The baby kicked persistently as I shuffled around in bed awkwardly. Finally I fell asleep.

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_**Thanks for reading!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Entry Nine**

I woke up earlier than yesterday but still later than normal. A dull headache spread through my head as I sat up so I lied back down again. Today I walked around slowly,staying inside, not using too much energy. I was eating my regular small serving of lunch when my friend showed up. I tried to get her to go away but instead she stared at my food and asked how much I usually ate. Now she plans on making me breakfast everyday, waking me up and staying until she makes me lunch before leaving. She blamed my eating habits on my 'sickness' and I finally stopped her lecturing and reminded her about making nets. We make nets until it starts to get dark and she leaves, reminding me to eat a big dinner. I do, but probably not as much as she intended. I wandered around the house until my fatigue took over and went to bed, having another restless sleep.

**Entry Ten**

As she said the first thing I woke to was her face. She hurried me out of bed, much to my complaints, but I soon quietened at the sight of breakfast. I'm sure reading back on this diary I will always remember how it should have been a cook, it was delicious. She had made me some of our classic district four bread with fish and some herbs. Meals at the Capitol were obviously more extravagant but this was more than I eaten in a long time. I'm not sure exactly why I chose not to eat much, maybe the ... things that have happened... had dampened my appetite, but then I wanted to keep eating until I could fit no more. But she had only made that much so I ate it, much to her pleasure. We made nets talking of the gossip floating around. She told me of a meeting she had with someone from district eight. Their entire district had been destroyed. I'm sort of blank on what happened after that. I returned to my senses humming a familiar song and my hands clasped over my ears with my friend whispering soothing words beside me. Our nets had been discarded then and we hadn't returned to them even after. Unfortunately the song I had been humming popped into my head and I had realized where I knew it from. The children had been singing it at the wedding. I broke down in tears after that and my friend only left my side when it was time to make me lunch. Pity had shone in her eyes that day. Pity I didn't want then or now.

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_**Review!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Entry Eleven**

When she woke me up today, I ate the breakfast she'd prepared for me and when we talked it was clear of dangerous topics. We made nets the whole day until lunchtime when we ate. After we finished we went to leave but I stopped her before she did. I asked her if she'd mind not coming the next day. At first she tried to insist to come but then finally she gave up when she saw I wouldn't budge. She left reminding me to eat. I promised that I would and that we could take the nets to the fishermen the day after. When she left I made some extra nets to make up for tomorrow since I knew I wouldn't be making nets that day and then made myself dinner and went to sleep.

**Entry Twelve**

Today I had a plan. My body was used to waking up at the same time so I woke up when my friend would normally wake me up and ate some bread with some plants I couldn't name before getting dressed. It was slightly cold outside so I grabbed the scarf I had gotten for free and left. I hadn't been quite sure what I was planning to do when I left but soon my feet had taken me to the beach. Only a couple of people stood fishing at the moment so I figured it was earlier than I thought, or most of the fishermen liked sleeping in.

I knew for a fact that there were workshops at the beach where people like to make nets so that's where I went first. Two women sat next to each other, making nets as they talked quietly and they had looked up as I had sat down. I now wonder why exactly I sat down but I did. Instead of making nets with them I asked them questions. One of them had come from eight while the other had been from here. The person from eight had had their whole family killed. That was where I blanked out. They had to coax me from my shell and when they did I convinced them to keep talking. The person from four's daughter had been killed in the seventy-third Hunger Games so she tried to rebel during the... war... but that had gotten her husband killed by peacekeepers. When I heard this they noticed me about to slip away again and stopped me by saying nice things. By this time - much to my surprise - a _man _had come in to _make nets _and had listened to their tale.

The woman from four now had only her two sons left but they supported each other and she said that they were fishing at that very moment. I had smiled and looked out the window to stare at them. The person from eight explained how she had came here after her district had been... blown up. They had figured out that a district being blown up was a trigger for me and had soothed me before I slipped away. They told what I missed when I was at the Capitol. They talked about the promos, Katniss, Peeta's interviews - which I had in fact seen - what happened to eight and most importantly... Finnick. That day was one of the hardest to bear but one of my favourites.

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_**This was longer than I expected it to be...**_

**_Thanks for reading and please review!_**


	7. Chapter 7

**Entry Thirteen**

I hadn't told my friend about my visit to the beach the other day. I don't exactly know why. When we took our nets there today the women, Rhea and Kierra as I had discovered were their names, had greeted me and asked whether I wanted to talk again. That was when I had to tell my friend. I explained in the short version, I had gone to the beach and met Rhea and Kierra then talked with them for a while. She seemed satisfied but slightly suspicious. I had produced the nets we had piled in our arms and told Rhea that they were for her sons. She had smiled and taken them. They asked us to stay but we explained politely that we were going to do other things. And we were. We had walked down the beach and swam through the water. The person who taught me to swim floated through my mind just like how we floated through the water.

... _Finnick._

**Entry Fourteen**

*Where Annie's fourteenth entry should have been there was a seemingly empty page. On closer inspection three words were scrawled in a messy yet small script*

_I miss him._

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_**Entry Fourteen was different to her usual entries. It will be explained next chapter. Thank you for taking the time to read this.**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Entry Fifteen**

My friend didn't come over today. I'm glad. I actually told her not to when she came over yesterday. I'm still fine. I ate breakfast lunch and dinner. I made three nets. I don't think it matters though. These are all distractions.

Finnick's photo is hiding under my pillow.

I refuse to take him out. I'm too scared.

These are all distractions.

Finnick.

**Entry Sixteen**

I'm in trouble. My friend says I'm not. I know I am though.

She's giving me to the peacekeepers.

A lady dressed completely in white.

She's a peacekeeper.

I know she is.

I can't let them get Finnick.

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_**Poor Annie. She is slowly falling into insanity. Thanks for reading! Could someone give me some feedback though?**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Entry Eighteen**

Finnick is safe. I hid him somewhere they can't find him.

I can't say where.

You're going to tell them.

You're a peackeeper too.

Just like the lady.

You're both getting me to tell you all my secrets so they can tell the Capitol. Don't take Finnick away from me. Don't.

**Entry Nineteen**

*The handwriting is in cursive and very neat*

_Annie is slowly slipping into insanity. I am trying to help her but I think I'm am making it worse. She is convinced the psychologist is a peacekeeper. I have advised her not to wear white any more. Whenever I try to talk talk to her she is screaming about the Capitol, saying they'll never get Finnick. I'm scared for her. I really am. The psychologist suggested carefully reminding her about the war. I asked her if _she _was insane too. That won't make it better, I'm sure of it. Just like this diary. Annie threw it at me when I went over. I haven't given it back yet. I'm hoping if I write this then Annie will read it and get better. I want her to get better._

_-Elsie_

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**_Thank you to_**xSarcasticNinjax **_for reviewing and for the feedback. I will try and keep the story interesting and I'm glad you like it._**

**_Day nineteen and Annie has gotten worse. I realized I've never given Annie's friend a name so hello Elsie. In case you're daft I'll explain; when Elsie went over to see how Annie was going Annie was worse - screaming about the Capitol and Finnick. Annie threw the diary at Elsie so she took it with her. Elsie decided to write in it in the hopes of Annie reading it and coming out of her insanity._**

**_Thanks for reading!_**


	10. Chapter 10

**Entry Twenty**

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

You're a spy.

Elise is a liar! A liar!

She lies and now you're full of her lies!

I am strong. I promise. I will fight and you will not bring me down. I will fight. You are pointless in your efforts.

I will fight.

**Entry Twenty-One**

*The page has bread crumbs stuck flat on the page*

Elsie is a liar with good food.

I still don't trust you. Or her. But food is yum. Too yum...

I got rid of the food.

You were trying to poison me!

How dare you! Traitor!

I trusted you to keep my secrets. How much have you kept?

None. Traitor.


	11. Chapter 11

**Entry Twenty-Two**

Elise came over. Do you two communicate somehow? Are you feeding her my words as I write them down? Is she waiting until I am not watching you and reading the pages I have written in? Or I am paranoid, scared and lonely like she says. Am I supposed to believe anything that comes out of her mouth? Should I find her. Apologize. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown my food at her. Maybe I should have listened to her. Maybe I should have thrown more. Maybe I should stop writing in this. Maybe I should write every detail in my life until I've written a paragraph about breakfast alone. Maybe I should stop now.

**Entry Twenty-Three**

I am scared. I am lonely. But who can I trust? There's no one I want to love, no one who will love me.

They're all trying to hurt me. I thought I could trust Rhea and Kierra when they came over. They're on Elsie's side.

On the Capitol's side.

I'm all alone.

Alone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Entry Twenty-Four**

*the page is blank*

**Entry Twenty-Five**

*the page is blank*

**Entry Twenty-Six**

I was kidnapped. By the Capitol. They wanted my secrets. I bit their hand. I escaped. Lady in white. Elise. Rhea. Kierra. Capitol. Finnick. Finnick...

Where is Finnick? Why haven't I seen him...

NO! No. He...

**Entry Twenty-Seven**

*the page is crinkled and messy, stained with tears*

I am scared. Please help me. I don't even think I can trust myself any more. It's all really confusing. My Finnick. Dead. My mind. Gone. My heart. Broken. I am scared.


End file.
